I consider myself to be a man of both faith and failures. A man of morels that I compromise and self evaluate each day when I wake to take a breath. I wonder today what message I will type with my fingers, and I feel a little like John boy Walton if you know who he was….I ponder about my sins and forgiveness and then suddenly I ask myself and my God, if He is able to do one simple complicated thing….Can he save me from myself?
As I look back at decisions and the warning placed in my path I know for a fact it was indeed God interfering with a wrong choice I was about to make for He knew if I took the next step it would change my life forever, and it did.
Some readers will think about there own skeletons in the closet while others will try to figure out what I am hiding. It makes no difference to me what kind of person you are because you have to answer about yourself and your decisions, and I only have to answer for me and the way I have lived. and again, can God save me from myself?
It’s an honest question, one I believe worth thinking about for a day, a week, and a lifetime. IDK what I believe at the moment, I am still contemplating. I know the struggles I have and the temptations I face. I know when I am about to fall and I know there are days I survive by grace alone. Grace, now there is an interesting word, but have you ever asked your self to what length or depth does grace cover each persons sins? By grace are you saved, and then there is the ingredient to add called repent. but most of us don’t like that word because then it brings in the understanding of we are accountable for the failures of wrong decisions and our terrible choices. Now I just feel upset, condemned and struggling. My angry has a way of saying “fuck it” why try when there is no escaping the person you have become. Condemn and not converted into the saint you where when you first believed as a child who felt loved by the King. Now what? What path will I choose, what ingredient should I add into this bitter tasting kettle of soup I call my life that would turn the most sour into a sweet type of hope for a future i am not sure of. There is only one word that fits, no there is two. Love, and blood.