The Little Monsters

The little monster seems to always be hiding in the shadows or in the dark corners of the room. He never sleeps and is taunting me day and night. The moment I am feeling happy, he pokes me with a hot iron, causing pain. The welts and scars are hidden with a false smile, a mask, and a clever remark. I spend so much time guarding myself against the darkness,  it consumes me. Once again, I am no longer focused on pursuing my dream and am preoccupied.

How can this be the truth of life? In silence I can hear everything so clearly, yet the noise of this world and my own wrong mind-set creates seeds. I plant them, day and night, and grow into who I do not want to be. How can something saved be so lost? I don’t have any of the answers to solve the problems of life. I guess at what I should do next.

Here is a list of everything I don’t want to become. I am all of them: the hypocrite, the liar, the fool chasing folly, the angry man who abuses. I carry around a backpack of failures, excuses for stupidity, and check each morning to see if I have all the weights of mistakes chained to each leg. Now, loaded down with the last straw I decided to carry from the camel’s back, I tell myself, “Run!” Can I find a new way to suffer? Can I find some type of self-destruct to end my endless self pity?

Real emotion can become a liar, but real truth can become a good decision. The black dog bit me again, and the white dog is starved. It’s natural to turn toward selfishness. In the death of it there is a place of honor. Is it possible to shake off eternal guilt? In all of this I feel angry, yet have not decided to change. I am amazed at how much weight I can carry. The truth be told, even in the strength of my greatest failures I can still walk, run, and be all I was meant to be.

Regardless of the condition of my heart there is one single truth that is my trump card. With His grace I will always win. He allows me to fail over and over again, then spoon feeds me the nourishment I need to survive. The prodigal runs toward the pigs and eats with the swine. He is still hungry for failures. There is no logic to his action, no understanding His ways. The seeds He has planted will not wither.  The weeds have taken the patch and fruit trees are choked with bad decisions. Why would anyone spend life planting what they did not want to grow?

Change begins by pulling the weeds. Some are thistles and will cause pain. Never the less, water the truth of what God has called you to become. Believe in His plan, His purpose, and the dreams He has placed within your heart. Learn to walk in His ways, follow the path of righteousness, and be born again.